A Screen Near You » Quotes

Jackie Brown

Lee — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 09:51:36 +0000

Ordell Robbie (Samuel L Jackson) is watching a video of girls in bikinis talking about their favourite guns and explaining what he retails them for to a friend (Robert De Niro) the AK-47 comes on screen and he turns the volume up.

Ordell

AK-47, when you absolutely, positively gotta kill every mother fucker in the room, accept no substitutes.

Severence

Lee — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 17:07:24 +0000

Having boarded themselves inside their lodge, Maggie tends Gordon, who’s barely conscious due to blood lose from left leg due to a bear trap cutting off everything below the knee. She gives him a sip of water and goes to sit beside Steve on a step not too far away.

Steve

(quietly,tenderly)

You alright?

Maggie nods.

Steve

I’m sorry about earlier, flaring up and all that.

Maggie

(gently)

You were OK.

Steve

Listen, I want to say something to ya. Sometimes I act like an idiot, y’know. I say things when I shouldn’t and, um… shit I’ve left Gordon’s foot in the coach.

He leans past Maggie to look at where Gordon is laying propped up against a sink.

Steve

I’m sorry, mate.

Severence

Lee — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:58:42 +0000

Having just had their coach overturned and two of their colleagues killed, the rest head back to the lodge they have been staying in carrying Gordon, who is missing part of his left leg below the knee as it was cut off by a bear trap. After some hysterical arguing, Billy takes charge.

Billy

Arguing is not going to help us out, okay. You wanted us to work as a team, well now’s the time to start. Look, just help me get some wood, we need to board ourselves in, alright.

Steve

With what?

Billy

I don’t know…

He looks at Maggie.

Billy

…check Gordon’s bag, or something.

Maggie goes to Gordon’s bag and empties the contents onto the floor.

Steve

Well he’s not going to have hammer and nails in there is he?

From amongst the stuff on the floor Maggie picks up a hammer and a bag of nails.

Steve

Oh, for fucks sake!

Severence

Lee — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:49:44 +0000

Steve and Billy are laying behind a tree in the forest, each carrying paint ball guns and wearing body armour and safety goggles.

Billy

Look, I’m not saying I fancy anyone in particular, I’m just saying that if I did like someone I wouldn’t know the best way to approach them. Dating’s complicated in England.

Steve

What are you talking about? English birds ain’t complicated, you buy ‘em a Bacardi Breezer and they’ll ride you like Seabiscuit.

Severence

Lee — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:43:35 +0000

Steve (Danny Dyer) is standing in the middle of the forest, with his trousers around his ankles. His colleagues have just come to find him after he let out a scream/shout. Steve is high on magic mushrooms.

Billy

Steve?

Steve is holding his penis (he was in the process of having a wee) and talks over his shoulder.

Steve

(slightly spacey)

I saw someone.

Billy

Who?

Steve

I don’t know.

Maggie turns sideways to look somewhere else.

Maggie

What happened?

Steve removes his hands, turns around and points at them.

Steve

The weirdest thing has just happened, yeah. I needed to have a slash, so I pulled my trousers down, cuz I felt a little bit damp and I don’t want to get a rash. I was about to have a piss and I saw a geezer with a balaclava and a suitcase, no, more of a travel bag. So, you’ve come over–

Maggie

Steve.

Steve

Yes?

Maggie

The mushrooms.

Steve

What mushrooms?

Maggie

You ate them, you’re high.

Steve grins and looks up, relieved, before looking serious again and looking back at Billy and Maggie.

Maggie

(to Billy)

Look after him, okay?

Billy

Yeah, sure.

Billy takes a step closer to Steve, Steve raises his finger.

Steve

Listen, now I know we’re mates, but, erm… if you look at my cock one my time I’m going to kick-off.

Billy

What are you talking about, I have not once looked at your winky.

Steve

You turn around.

Braveheart

Lee — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 18:39:58 +0000

William Wallace and his men squat around a cauldron filled with broth, dipping hunks of bread into it. One of Wallace’s soldiers brings over some new volunteers. One, a Scotsman, introduces himself and speaks with Wallace. Another, an Irishman, wanders around and helps himself to some broth.

Steven

Him? That can’t be William Wallace, I’m prettier than this man.

He eats the broth.

Steven

(looking upwards)

Alright, father, I’ll ask him.

(turning to Wallace)

If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen?

Hamish

Is your father a ghost, or do you converse with the almighty?

Steven

In order to find his equal an Irishman is forced to talk to God.

(looking up)

Yes, father?

(looking back at the men)

The almighty says don’t change the subject just answer the fucking question.

Braveheart

Lee — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 18:38:27 +0000

William Wallace leads his men quickly back to Scotland from York after hearing that the English are landing forces behind him. On a wooded hillside Steven, one of his lieutenants, returns after scouting ahead.

Steven

It’s true, the English ships are moving up from the South, I don’t know about the Welsh yet, but the Irish have landed, I had to see it with my own eyes before I could believe it.

Hamish

What the hell are the Irish doing fighting with the English?

I wouldn’t worry about them, didn’t I tell you before? It’s my island.

Blackball

Lee — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 20:18:16 +0000

Cliff and Trevor exit their house arguing about Kerry, they stop at a milk float and nick a couple of bottle of milk, pop the tops and begin drinking. A voice comes from off screen.

Man (O.S.)

Cliff Starkey.

Cliff and Trevor stare across the street. A man clad head to toe in black; black suit, black coat, black gloves and black sunglasses stands on the ground opposite them. He smiles and begins to walk towards them.

Trevor

Christ, it’s Batman.

Man (O.S.)

I don’t believe it.

Cliff

It’s that bloke from The Matrix, innit?

Man

I don’t fucking believe it, in the flesh.

Cliff looks behind him to see if he means someone else.

Man

Do you know what you are? You’re this.

He flick his arm to show his gold watch to Cliff and Trevor.

Trevor

Late?

Man

You’re gold.

Cliff

You what mate?

Blackball

Lee — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 20:03:16 +0000

Cliff, in the middle of a bowls match, is munching on a doughnut which is in his right hand. His opponent, Alan, spots this.

Alan

Sugar.

Cliff

You what, my love?

Alan

(concerned)

From the doughnut. On the green.

Cliff

(with a mouth full of doughnut)

It’s alright, I’ll use my left hand.

Cliff throws the remains of the doughnut at the umpire

Cliff (CONT’D)

In fact, not only that, Alan, I will concede the entire match if, having struck the jack, my bowl does not end up on this Rizla paper.

Mutley and Trevor are watching in the crowd.

Mutley

(concerned)

What?

Trevor

Don’t worry, he does it every night.

Cliff

Blindfolded!

Cliff now has his trousers drapped over his head.

Trevor

That’s a new one.

Mutley

Oh my God.

Blackball

Lee — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 19:52:08 +0000

Having just entered himself into the bowls tournament to decide the county champion, Cliff waits to find out who he is playing. Mutley, Cliff’s uncle, hurries over muttering ‘Oh my God, oh my God’.

Mutley

You’re playing Alan Booth, he’s ranked 16 in Devon, but he’s on his way up the ladder. He’s young, he’s hungry and he’s dangerous.

Mutley points out Alan. A man in his late-forties, sporting glasses and a long pipe clenched between his teeth stands up. He looks about as threatening as a puppy.

Alan

Alright?

Alan walks past Cliff and Mutley to the green. Cliff turns to Mutley.

Cliff

When this is over, I just want to run through the meaning of words young and dangerous.